- third human need
affection.
i've given it plenty of thoughts, much more than i dare admit. for the longest while i feel hollow. think of it like a huge chunk of my torso was placed somewhere i forgot so i had to make do being a doughnut of a man.
i'm at the end of the stick of my teens so what am i if not pounds of swollen flesh, dwelling within it desires, so i've always thought it was sex. i thought what i was missing is sex. well a part of it is not totally wrong, skinship plays a huge role in this. i find myself daydreaming of being gently caressed in ways i have probably never experienced before. a warm touch raining over my flaws sending confusing signals to my excuse of a brain.
my arousality lied to me. i've thought of me as this absolute embodiment of lust, that i bring no pride any more than i do my prejudice. my libido murdered me. one can never have everything he wants and this is my sin. i cannot afford affection. i am aware of my floating organs and i cannot tape me together. my arms will soon derail from my neck and so will the rest of me and i am only bound to watch it happen.
competing is not my best endeavor, never is. funny i say that as if i know anything that is even my endeavor at all. i am unlike the herd and i used to think it was beautiful that i wasn't. i'm not developed, i want to grow wings but unlike caterpillars, i am a worm. i am indigent, i don't have a license, i don't have what males would offer their spouses. what one can find in me they'll find better in the man next to me. how i wish i could for once call myself a man. i wish to be held close and be whispered words i have not think about. i wish to wrap someone in fear of the absolute terror of losing me. i wish to be drained of my overflowing jar full of crimson red love, for i have so much in me. i wish to be desired, i wish to be thought of at any needle of the clock, i wish to be wished, i wish to have wings. i am a worm, i cannot grow wings.
i am a worm. i cannot grow wings.